It's Christmas, but it doesn't feel like it.

I don't usually write about any holidays, but this was on my heart this morning.

The tree has been up for weeks. We've been listening to Christmas music since Black Friday. I have twinkle lights up in my room and bits of Christmas decor. We've done the Christmas baking day. We've watched Christmas movies. All the presents I bought have been wrapped. Everywhere I go screams Christmas.

I want to be excited and enthusiastic about the season like everyone else. I'm just. Not.

But I'm not upset about it.

I had a similar feeling last year and was pleasantly surprised to feel a little better about it this year.

I'm so grateful for all the blessings we receive every day. The comfortable lives we live. The family and friends I have. The fantastic experiences I've gotten to have this year.

My joy comes from the Lord, not from a time of year. I can choose to be happy around this time because of what Christ did for us. Christmas is a reminder of God's Gift to us, and we celebrate that by giving gifts to the people we love.

We are so used to having a certain mood around Christmas, and when we don't feel it we identify the absence of the feeling as not normal and depressing. We grow and change, yet we expect to always have the same feeling around Christmas year after year. We can't seem to accept and learn to expect that our moods change as we grow.

That doesn't mean that the sense of magic around this time of year diminishes as we journey through life, if anything it grows as we learn to see the deeper meaning behind the glitter of Christmas.

But it's not something we can force and still expect to be happy. Sure, there are things we can do to 'get ourselves in the holiday spirit,' and I'm not denying the helpfulness of those things. By all means, if it takes a certain something each year to get you into the mood, then don't hesitate (unless it's something like, you know, punching someone in the nose, then you might want to rethink your method).

How is everyone doing?

Do you have any thoughts to add?

Just for kicks, what is one of your favorite Christmas traditions?

Also, wow. Only a few days left in 2017!

What is something new you learned this year?

lessons from the barn

Alright, so you all know that I lost my job last month; and if you don't, yeah that happened.

I'm still working through some issues with getting past it. Fun stuff like impatience and bitterness. Joy, joy, joy.

A few days ago was one of the really low days- and I was absolutely fine until I was trying to fall asleep and the whole thing hit me again.

I missed working. I missed waking up every morning excited about the new day. I missed seeing all the horses, even the ones who behaved like snots most of the time. I missed petting one of the dogs every time I walked by him in the tack room. I missed the other dog's rambunctious greetings every morning. I missed the cats yelling at me to pick them up. I even missed the soreness from a good ride and my feet being stepped on and coming home all dusty and tired.

It was already late, much later than I would have liked to be trying to fall asleep, but I hadn't been tired. But then I couldn't fall asleep because I was crying and having a discussion with God about it (mostly asking Him to explain Himself).

And then my rooster started crowing. It was one in the morning. Pitch black. I still don't know why I even noticed him, or even the lesson behind that, or even if there was supposed to be a wink there, but in any case, it got my attention and my mind off of my pity party. Granted, I still didn't fall asleep until around two, but I was able to sleep whereas before I was thinking I'd probably be up much later crying.

Then that morning, I saw on Facebook one of the girls in a Christian Girls' group I am a part of posted a song with the caption saying that she felt like one of us needed to hear it that morning. Boy was she right. Later another of my Facebook friends posted John 13:7 "Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'"

This morning was beautiful. The sun is out for the first time after a few days of clouds and rain. It is supposed to get into the 70's later this afternoon. The birds are all damp and the coop is a muddy mess. So I was going to let them out all day to give everything a chance to dry out.

But there was a hawk perched in a tree nearby.

If I let anyone out, more than likely at least one of them would be gone by the time I put them back up this evening. So I didn't let anyone out. They were upset and complaining at me when I only gave them fresh food and water and left them penned up. But I did it for their own good. They didn't understand, and they probably won't ever understand, but at least they will all be safe for today.

They don't know when a hawk is eyeing them from a tree, or if a bobcat is watching from the grass, but when I see the danger, I keep them safe by keeping them back. They don't get it. They still fuss at me.

But here's the deal. We do the same thing when God keeps us back from something.

We think we have it all figured out. We have our plan, and we think that out plan will be perfect for us. But then the plan falls through and we freak out. We get upset and start squawking. We may never figure out why the plan didn't work, but we can know that God always has our best interests in mind.

Eventually He gives us a little thought. Something to give us a hint as to why He did what He did. I like to call them Winks. Usually He has to give me a few Winks before I finally get it and realize He was even Winking at me.

Anyway.

Those are some of my thoughts for the day.

Is there anything you would like to add?

Anything I can be praying for you?

Feathers /// photo day

Due to having so many birds, there is an abundance of feathers around the coop. I like to pick up the especially pretty ones and hang on to them for pictures or projects.

Unless marked with an asterisk (*), I didn't edit these. Mostly because I am in the middle of figuring out what my day to day schedule is and photo editing hasn't made it high enough on the list to make editing every single photo a reality, plus it's just easier to shoot it right in the first place anyway.

See, feathers EVERYWHERE. I could probably pick up enough to stuff a pillow.

kind of in love with the unintentional light leak

Playing with super shallow depths of field.

Why no, I do not have a macro lens. I do this thing where I take the kit lens off of the camera body and hold it in front of where it is connected and get really close to what I'm shooting. It creates a similar effect, but I can add super cool light leaks and I don't have to spend a couple hundred on a second lens.

*does not work in automatic mode, you do have to be brave and shoot in manual mode.

  

See! Light leaks, super fun! No editing!

Light leak was a little too much on this one, but I love it anyway

 

You don't have to have a super high-tech set up either, I shot all of the close ups on my window sill so I could get plenty of natural light and a white background. Could probably get really cool effects with Christmas lights in the background as well, I'm going to have to try that!

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Favorite close up?

Favorite feather?

Favorite duck? 

(mine's either Junior, the one closest to the camera, or Monsieur Colorful, the one directly behind her whose beak is slightly cut off by the coop wall)